And it’s free! Sound too good to be true? No, we’re not about the hype. There really is a relationship secret we all forget. And it’s right under our nose. You just have to look a little closer for it.
When is the last time you gave someone a compliment?
Do you like to receive compliments? Most people do. BUT do you give them? Better yet, do you give them to your spouse?
It’s not every day we can suggest a totally FREE idea. But today is the day! Compliments are the relationship secret we all forget. We have a recipe for adding more compliments into every day and it won’t cost you a penny.
A well-timed compliment makes the recipient smile and then you smile because you feel great for making them smile and then they smile because you’re smiling. It’s a whole smiling thing. And who wouldn’t love that?
And on that rare occasion when your spouse is irritating you, giving a compliment can change your less-than-stellar mood or attitude about your spouse (and it improves their day too).
Sharing a compliment with your spouse, your kids, and the other people around you today can change your day and theirs.
Here are three easy ways to add more compliments to your life:
1. Look out! Be on the lookout for the good.
Life is so busy it is super easy to run through our days checking off lists, rushing here and there, and missing the effort and natural talents all around us.
Stop right now. And start watching for “the good”.
Try to find something nice to say to every person you see for the rest of today (and maybe tomorrow, and how about the next day, and the next day). It will “cost” you some effort, but see if you can’t start to spot more good in today than you spotted yesterday.
I (Scott) really appreciated last week when Bethany complimented me on how I always make the boys lunches. I make it happen. I don’t make a huge mess or a big deal. I’ve done it for years, but Bethany made a point of thanking me for it last week and that felt really nice.
2. See the small.
Look for something to compliment that you are pretty sure no one else would ever notice. Challenge yourself to find the smallest of small things to appreciate and let that person know.
For those grumpy people, or teenagers, or even your spouse, you might have to look CLOSER to see something good to compliment, but it’s there. The familiarity of a parent/child or marriage relationship can often cloud your vision to the little things they do so well, so scrub your eyeballs off and watch for the little things. Thank your husband for some effort you notice he’s making: hitting the hamper, keeping the living free of shoes and papers, setting out the check for the house cleaner.
Look for opportunities outside your house too. Notice the person sacking the groceries. Tell the elderly woman, “I like your hat!” Catch the postal carrier at your box and tell them how you appreciate the consistent service they provide.
Spot your kids’ small efforts. Do they remember to text when they’ve made it safely to a friend’s house? Do they keep their exploding backpack parked where you asked them? Do they offer to get something for you from the kitchen while they’re up?
Notice the little things. The little efforts your spouse makes, your kids make, and even strangers make all add up to a bigger positive experience for all of us. Watch for it.
Need some more hints?
Check out the list of compliments for your wife or your husband in these articles. We found it interesting that the article about how to compliment your wife had been viewed 29,801 times and the one about complimenting your husband had 1,815,579 views!
Either guys are less likely to care about what to say so they don’t read it or dudes are more difficult to compliment so ladies need a list.
3. Find a compliment about money to give your spouse or child.
Now that you’re watching more closely for positive behaviors to point out, find something your spouse or child (or spouse AND child) do with money that you hadn’t really noticed before and compliment them.
No one we talk to ever says, “Wow, my parents did such an awesome job helping me understand money when I was younger.” I don’t think we mean to forget to teach our kids about money, but sometimes it just doesn’t happen.
Use a compliment as a way to discuss and important financial principle, like saving or tracking spending or making wise choices.
- Do they ask politely for more money in their lunch account?
- Did the skip the ski weekend because they’d already committed to work?
- Are they gracious when you give them cash?
- Have you noticed their attempt to be better about asking for things when you are grocery shopping?
Compliment their wise use of money and underscore why that particular behavior is important now but even more important in their future. Blow some wind into their sails and remember to keep teaching them about wise money behaviors.
Could your spouse use a compliment on some of his or her financial practices?
Does your spouse:
- Forward you the emails from the bank to keep you in the loop?
- Ask your opinion on certain purchases?
- Keep an eye on the budget for the family?
- Thank you for being thrifty?
- Dream up great additional revenue streams to help out?
- Maintain a positive attitude about money and not stress everyone out?
Try to give one compliment a week about money.
Thousands of people have taken our free, online Money Personality Assessment where they learn their Primary and Secondary Money Personalities. And our stats show that about 80% of couples marry their money opposite. So we know there is plenty of opportunity to disagree about finances, but let’s try to find something about the other’s money style that we can appreciate.
The way we view money is very personal so that kindness will go straight to their heart. Compliments about money and encouragement increases your spouse’s confidence with your money, which not only helps today, but is a welcome investment in your future.
It’s 100% FREE to say something nice and 99% guaranteed that your kindness will make their day.
Try to make complimenting a regular part of each day.
Make it happen!
Scott & Bethany Palmer
The Money Couple
Creators of the 5 Money Personalities