We love Spenders! Primary and Secondary Spenders are totally awesome – they’re generous, they’re not afraid to spend money, and they love to give to others. What’s not to love? Of course, we’re both Primary Spenders, so we might be slightly biased.
We are blessed to have Primary Money Personalities that are in sync, but our Secondary Money Personalities sure do clash! Heck, that’s true of MOST marriages – opposites sure do attract don’t they???!
We’ve talked about it before – so many people marry their money opposite. And when you have conflicting views about money, it’s going to cause some fights. Today we’re talking about the two Money Personalities most likely to clash – Spenders vs. Savers.
We recently met with a couple that’s been married for 34 years. They’d already taken their Money Personality Assessment, so we knew they had a volatile combination of Money Personalities before they ever walked in the door! He is a Primary Risk Taker/Secondary Spender, and she is a Primary Saver/Secondary Security Seeker. Talk about polar opposites!
The wife arrived first, and she had some questions about their Money Personalities. We discussed them and brought up the fact that they were likely dealing with the Opposite Dynamic in their relationship. We asked if they ever fought about money and her answer floored us. She replied, “Not anymore. We haven’t talked about money in 20 years.”
20 YEARS!!?? How does a couple go two entire decades without ever talking about money? As we continued to talk while waiting for the husband to arrive, one thing became clear – they might not be discussing their financial plans, but money was definitely causing some issues!
The wife complained about her husband spending freely on whatever he wanted. She said she didn’t know how he’d ever be able to retire with his spending habits. When her husband arrived, their money discord became even more obvious. He was willing to discuss a post-retirement financial plan, but when we tried to dive deeper into how they communicate about money, he completely shut down.
That’s not what any of us wants from our marriage! We want relationships that are fully engaged, have great communication, and are full of love and passion, not resentment and feelings that are never discussed. Our mission is to help you make your marriage divorce-proof, especially if you and your spouse are money opposites. We have three tips to help our fellow Spenders understand their Saver spouses and recognize all the good parts about being married to a Saver.
1. Remember That There Are Benefits To Having A Saver Spouse
- They want to save for the future, so you’ll have a nest egg.
- They’ll help you find the best deals.
- Their talent for saving gives your family more opportunities
- You’ll have an emergency fund.
2. Try To Understand Where Your Spouse Is Coming From
- Instead of getting frustrated or feeling like your spouse is controlling, try to understand that it’s just who they are.
- Look at it from their perspective. (Bonus – this will make them more likely to consider your perspective as well!)
- Remember that their Money Personality is in their DNA. You can’t change it, so you have to learn to work with it and respect it.
3. Acknowledge That Your Spending Is Equally Stressful For Them
- Spending stresses them out! It’s important to take that into consideration.
- You love each other and desire a good relationship, so you have to work toward understanding each other.
- Compromise! Respect each other’s Money Personalities and Compromise with Purpose.
So, now you are probably wondering…how do you find that compromise??? It seems impossible. We get it. Which is why encourage you to start with knowing your Money Personalities. Click HERE to get started.