So we were speaking at a conference recently and someone came up to me (Bethany) and asked. Do YOU ever hide money from Scott? I took a breath and felt the blood rising in my cheeks and then I told them about the time I lied about money.
Because truth be told, I have. I have committed “financial infidelity”. Financial infidelity is any lying, hiding, or cheating related to money inside of a relationship. And it’s happening all across America. In fact, a survey by Creditcards.com found that 15 million people are “currently guilty of hiding financial information from a significant other.”
So this is how my financial infidelity played out. I told Scott, “I am going to hop online and get a new blouse that I ‘need’.”
He says, “Great.” He is always just fine with small orders like that. BUT here is where the problem comes in…I see on the screen the following things:
- Buy one get one ½ off
- Other people who have bought this have also purchased this
- 24 hour sale
Being a Spender/Risk Taker I get so sucked into the luring advertisement that my one blouse purchase turns into three. And here’s the thing, I was relieved when all three blouses showed up in one box. Trust me if three boxes had been piled on the porch I might have heard, “I thought you were only ordering one blouse?” Not so honest. Not so great. I lied about money.
Ok, now that I am on a roll, here is another example: “Scott, hon, I am going to head over to Walgreens to pick up my medicine”. Again, I get the cheerful “Ok.” and off I go. The medicine wasn’t quite ready so I started looking around and found a few things that I “needed”. Some nail polish, an eyeliner, vaseline, a magazine, and of course some “Nip” candies. I was just going to pick up my medicine. But the bill doesn’t reflect one bottle of medicine. The receipt is so long I could wear it as a belt. I lied about money. Geesh.
It isn’t that Scott necessarily minds it’s just that I failed to mention to him the extra items that I needed. Then he sees the debit card expenditure of $125 and he asks me about it and I am “caught” red-handed.
This is not good! This is not what an open, honest relationship is all about.
Financial infidelity can range anywhere from secret Walgreens’ items to extra bank accounts or secret credit cards. Any method you might use to hide your use of money from your spouse is financial infidelity. And it will harm (if not ruin) your relationship.
The number one cause for divorce in America is money. So it pays to be honest about how you’re spending it or even saving it. If you are slipping an extra twenty in your sock drawer each week after you pick up the groceries, that stash of cash, if hidden from your spouse, is financial infidelity and has no place in your marriage.
Be honest about how you are using your money. Invest is a transparent, supportive relationship.
I know I have decided I am not going to fill my bag with extras without giving Scott a heads up before I head off to the store any more. It isn’t honest and it breaks down the trust in our relationship.
Can you relate? Do you hide money expenditures? Have you been burned by dishonesty in your relationship? Comment below and let us know.
Here are some other articles about the subject:
You have enough to think about during your busy day. Keep your conscious free of lies about money!
Make it Happen,
The Money Couple