Scott and I were asked to write about money and engagement in a chapter in a book for soon-to-be-married couples. Our topic was “Getting Along About Money.” Right up our alley, right?
Definitely! Funny thing is, it caused Scott and I to talk specifically about our own engagement and what we discussed before getting married. It sounded like this:
Bethany: “Let’s recount our money talk.” [crickets] “Okay, 18 years ago what money talk did we have?… [more crickets] No, really… Oh crud – I don’t think we talked about money before we were married…But surely we did…Didn’t we?”
Scott: “Seriously, I know we didn’t!”
Bethany: “How do you know?”
Scott: “Because I was totally stressed out about it and didn’t want to bring it up!”
After our disbelief dissipated, we had a good laugh. Wow! Here we are now, The Money Couple, and we didn’t even talk about money before we married.
We discussed why we thought that was the case, and we realized that our individual Money Personalities drove the unconscious decision.
I am a Spender/Risk Taker – my Money Personalities function comfortably with the assumption, “Oh, it will all work out.” Scott, on the other hand, is a Spender/Security Seeker. His Spender was fine on most days – right in step with my Spender, but his Security Seeker thoughts would pop into his head and wonder… “What’s going to happen long-term? I hope we are on the same wavelength about our future!”
Of course now we see it so clearly because we understand our differences and we have systems to work through it, but imagine our marriage if we didn’t.
I know I would be constantly nagging Scott about being such a “stick in the mud” and Scott would be begging me to, “Stop already with the crazy adventure ideas!” If we spent our days trying to change each other and couldn’t accept the other for who they are, we would be heading down a very miserable path.
We are so grateful to live most days discussing, compromising, and collaborating about our money instead of fighting about it.
Now it’s your turn… Did you talk about money before you were married? Send us a comment… We’d love to hear from you!