It would be funny if it weren’t so tragic.
A recent CU grad and his girlfriend had been dating for almost three years and things were going very well. You could say they were “serious.” Neither one had ever dated anyone else for this long.
They enjoyed silly games, working out, and healthy debates about editorials in the paper. They knew a lot of the same people, and were committed to finding “the one” and starting a family. And then 5 roast beef sandwiches ruined everything.
The other night at an NHL Hockey game, Kim hit a wall. Although, hitting walls is standard for hockey players, Kim wasn’t playing. The night started out great, Dave had scored two great seats from a friend – not too close to the sweat and blood, but near enough to hear the slap of the sticks on the ice. They were enjoying the festive, party atmosphere – rowdy fans, thumping music, and frenzied anticipation of another win – and then it started, or should we say ended.
The Beginning of the End
Kim was hungry. She informed Dave she was going to get a sandwich.
“No, wait. If you hold off until after the second period, you can get 5 sandwiches for the price of one. Don’t get one now! Just wait.
“But I’m hungry now … and I don’t want 5 sandwiches!”
“But, you could save some for tomorrow!”
“I don’t want 4 sandwiches tomorrow. I want one, … now!”
Cross-check! Kim felt like she’d taken a hockey stick to the head. Were they really having this same discussion, again? Dave was always trying to save money! Did he ever think of anything else? Little did she know, he thought he was thinking of her.
Dave is a Saver /Security Seeker. Kim is a Flyer /Spender. Dave is proud of the many ways he figures out how to save money. In fact, they wouldn’t even be at the game on their current salaries if Dave didn’t take the time to trade favors with a friend for free seats. As a Flyer, Kim doesn’t give money much thought and her Secondary Spender likes to use money to get what she needs, when she needs it. Like a sandwich when she’s hungry!
Opposite Money Personalities can cause a lot of friction in a relationship, if couples don’t communicate and set some reasonable boundaries with each other. If you resist the urge to slam them up against the glass, your money opposite can provide good balance to your natural tendencies. What kills relationships is misunderstanding and miscommunication. When couples fight about money, those arguments are rarely
just about money. They are about deeper relationship issues like trust, respect and connection. So the sandwiches weren’t to blame after all.
Dave and Kim’s relationship may be “on ice” right now, but learning a new love and money language could heat things back up. Understanding how to see eye-to-eye on their day-to-day money issues could salvage their relationship so they can continue to enjoy the many other things they do have in common.
Avoid the pain and frustration of misunderstanding and take the next 15 minutes to identify you and your partner’s Money Personalities with our free, scientific, Money Personality Assessment. Browse through some of our website articles about the different Money Personalities, or pick up our book of strategies for dealing with this situation and many others, The 5 Money Personalities: Speaking the Same Love and Money Language.
Make it Happen!
Scott & Bethany Palmer