Expressing the Thought that Counts: Saying the Right Thing About What You Got Your Valentine

Using Words to Gift-Wrap Your Present

Valentine’s Day Gifts… for the win! If you want to win big this year with your valentine, what you say matters as much as the gift. When your valentine opens their gift, the words that accompany the moment show them:

A: how well you know them, and

B. how much thought you put into making the gift a perfect fit for them.

Really, we can’t overstate this: what you say matters when it comes to showing you care. Did you ever stop to think that a married couple gives over 200 gifts to each other over 50 years? And that is if you’re only giving gifts on the major holidays each year – their birthday, your anniversary, Valentine’s, and Christmas. You will give your spouse tons of gifts during your marriage.

During that time, you’ll probably experience some financial highs as well as a few lean years. Simply throwing as much money as you can at each gift doesn’t necessarily show you care. It’s the thought that counts, but how is your spouse supposed to know what you think if them if you remain as tight-lipped as a statue?

What you get AND what you say matter when it comes to gift-giving. Get both of these issues right, and you’re well on your way to making something special of Valentine’s Day. Shopping for that gift is only half the battle. Here, we offer some tips on how to be a hero at gift-giving.

How Money Personalities and Valentine’s Gifts Fit Together

If you understand anything at all about romance, you already know that the price tag on a date or gift doesn’t necessarily matter all that much. Presentation, too, is key. Is there MORE to successful gift-giving than just handing over the present? Yes, absolutely.

What you say matters when you give a gift. And, this is super-important: how your spouse thinks about money affects the perfect thing to say to show you care.

The best way to know which gift is going to be a hit with your valentine is to consider their Money Personalities. A Money Personality is a person’s natural approach to money. There are 5 kinds of Money Personalities in total, and everyone has a Primary Money Personality and a Secondary Money Personality.

Both affect how they approach money and what they enjoy about giving and getting gifts. Knowing their Money Personalities helps you nail the perfect gift-giving experience: both what to get them and how to make something extra-special by saying the right thing when you put it in their hands. They can identify theirs in less than 10 minutes with our FREE scientific, confidential Money Personality Assessment.

Their Primary (and sometimes Secondary) Money Personalities totally affect what type of gift they enjoy the most. So, once you’re armed with this information, you are set (for both buying the gift and what they would love to hear you say when you give it). Understanding each other’s Money Personalities can be an enormous blessing in your marriage, not just around February the 14th but especially when it comes to resolving money fights.

Here is your cheat sheet for SAYING the perfect thing when you give the perfect gift:

If your sweetheart is a:

Saver:

If your spouse is a Saver they love a bargain. Expensive, over-the-top gifts are not going to get you the response you’re looking for with a Saver. They want a great deal. Coupons and sales welcome!

Say: “I hope you love this. I hunted all around and got the best deal on this. I used a coupon and saved way more than you can even imagine!”

You’ll want to let them know that you know saving money is important to them. It doesn’t matter that you don’t like coupons or aren’t naturally a bargain shopper; you just want them to know you understand who they are and are honoring that on this holiday.

Spender:

If your spouse is a Spender, they probably want something extravagant. In their minds, coupons are for cans of soup, not Christmas or Valentine’s Day. Get them something they’d never get for themselves. Even the wrapping can be fancy and extravagant. It’s still the thought that counts, and there’s no reason for you to go over your agreed-upon gift budget, but splurging a little shows them you care.

Say: “I got your favorite brand. This is the thing to have this year! I got all the extra options and it’s from your favorite store.”

If they’re a Spender, they like to shop — so the fact that you know where they like to go is important to them. Spenders like gifts that cost money. This doesn’t mean they’re vain or greedy, their Money Personality simply leads them to measure value in terms of dollars and cents. So, no homemade card with a handwritten coupon for a back rub! Go get your “shop” on and find them something that will blow their socks off!

Risk Taker

If your spouse is a Risk Taker, roll up your sleeves. Think of something “out there”! The more exotic and unexpected, the better! Something no one else you know has. No vacuums. No blenders. Absolutely no socks!

Say: “I had never seen anything like this before. I knew you had to have it.”

Risk Takers love to hear you talk about the adventurous and unique nature of their Valentine’s Day gift. Reinforce the fact that their gift is something not everyone else gets or can even imagine. No heart-shaped box of chocolates and red roses for a Risk Taker; make something special, spend some time googling custom gifts, or look for adrenaline-inducing experiences in your area.

12019 / Pixabay

In fact, Taylor’s favorite thing I’ve ever given him was handwritten notes during stressful times of his life. His Secondary Money Personality is Risk Taker, so he loves to be surprised with a unique, thoughtful gift.

Security Seeker:

When your sweetie is a Security Seeker, they like gifts they need: gifts that solve a problem or make things run smoother in their daily lives. Add a warranty to the item and you’ve put the icing on the cake!.

Say: “I knew you needed this. So I read the reviews and this is the best of the best. It got 5 stars.”

Practical gifts will get the ball rolling, but what you say matters no less than with other Money Personalities. You need to express the fact that you want to make things easier and more comfortable for them instead of necessarily expecting them to go: “Wow!”

I (Megan), a Secondary Security Seeker, would be thrilled with a vacuum cleaner as a gift. Taylor would hate it. A Security Seeker will love that you took the time and planned out the perfect gift.

Flyer:

The final Money Personality that most people often don’t realize exists is the Flyer. If your spouse is a Flyer, they are more interested in time together than any item. They like gifts that invest in their relationships. Good ideas might be tickets to an event that you attend together or a game that you’ll play with friends.

Say: “I got this for you and me to do together.”

When you’re planning what to say to show you really care about them, the important thing to realize is that Flyers value relationships more than money. They fly by the seat of their pants when it comes to spending and saving and mostly just want to enjoy great memories later. So if you give them a gift, let them know that you want to make something special together, not supply them with material stuff. You’ll hit a home run if you give them a shared experience as a Valentine’s Day gift. Be sure to tell them how much you appreciate this time together!

An Example of How Matching Valentine’s Gifts to Money Personalities Works

We were talking to a couple yesterday (we’ll call them Sean and Tiffiny) about last year’s painful gift-giving experience. They know now that Sean is a Security Seeker/Spender and Tiffiny is a Saver/Security Seeker. Last Christmas they had a knockdown, yelling match because Sean had finally “had it.” With hurt feelings, how can they put the joy back into gift-giving?

Clashing Priorities

On each holiday, Sean works hard at being thoughtful when giving her gifts. He really thinks it through (What can she use? What’s going to last?), not giving much attention to the cost of the item, which reflects his Money Personality—a Primary Security Seeker. He was sure the new Kindle reader he got her for Christmas was the perfect gift: She loves books; She’s often traveling; She likes to have many different books going at the same time … Perfect!

But the first thing Tiffiny said when she opened the gift … wait for it … “Wow, hon! I really like it, but how much did this cost?!” (a comment that very easily falls from a Saver’s mouth). His response? “Why do you ALWAYS ask me how much something costs? Who cares?!” Unfortunately, someone in this scene does care … and cares very much.

A Happy Ending

The story does have a happy ending … They had a fa-la-la AHA moment! Sean and Tiffiny began watching our TV clips from our Money Couple Minutes and identified their Money Personalities. They were very excited to tell us about the next gift-giving event that occurred in their relationship—Tiffiny’s birthday. It was the first holiday without a fight. Yay!

What was different? Sean really listened to Tiffiny’s little hints about items that she “needed” and this time worked extra hard at getting a “smokin’” deal. He gave her a new shop vac and spent hours researching to get the best deal. The minute she opened it her eyes sparkled and she thought, “He gets me!” Then he added, “And hon, I got the best deal in town!” More sparkles! She put the box down and gave him a big ol’ hug. This gift totally spoke HER language, NOT HIS. She was whistling and giddy the rest of the night—not to mention every time she used her new shop vac. It goes to show you, we all benefit when we learn each others’ Money Personalities and how to speak them.

Final Thoughts

Any day is a great day to show your valentine how much you love them and how well you know them! And what you say when they unwrap their surprise really shows them you care. Honor your sweetheart’s Money Personality this Valentine’s Day, and you’ll be the red-hot hero of Valentine’s Day gifts.

So the next time you go to give your spouse a gift, consider not only what they want, but the words they’d love to hear when.

We hope you both enjoy the giving and getting in your marriage this year.

Taylor & Megan