Do money differences with your spouse cause a lot of tension? More money does not equal more happiness in your relationship as stated in a recent study. It is important to look at the bigger picture when it comes to your relationship and money. Most of us assume that our budget, retirement plan, and cash flow work sheet will give us a happy relationship when in order and plenty. However, we have found this is clearly not the case.
Your views on money impact every decision you make as a couple from the big stuff like houses and cars to the mundane details like the kind of coffee you drink and the brand of shoes you wear.
How does money affect our relationship? Here is an example:
- Wife: “Where did you go out to lunch?”
- Husband: “We went Italian today.”
- Her: “What did you have?”
- Him: “A Chicken Caesar Salad.”
- Wife: “How much did it cost?”
- Husband: “I don’t know. . .about $13 dollars.”
- Wife: “THIRTEEN DOLLARS FOR A CHICKEN CAESAR SALAD?????”
Money Nazi? Are you serious? Here are three clues as to why you may be on the giving or receiving end of stories like this:
1. Your Money DNA.
There is no Money gene but how you look and feel about money is as ingrained in you as the color of your hair and the color of your eyes. So you are born with it? We say yes. The easiest way to prove this is to look at the children in your life. When we look at our two young sons, it’s obvious to us that Cole is a Saver and Cade is a Spender. Cade can’t keep a dollar in his pocket to save his life. Cole won’t spend a dollar unless we push him to. It is the same way with adults.
We have a natural bent towards money and of course we believe our bent is best. We have developed 5 Money Personalities to understand our own unique “bent” towards money. They are: the Saver, the Spender, the Risk Taker, the Security Seeker, and the Flyer. We have learned that each person has two of the five Money Personalities, a Primary and a Secondary. So keep that in mind as you identify you and your spouse’s differences.
2. Your Money Lens.
There is a lens through which you make money decisions. It is what motivates you to wait until that sweater is on sale. It’s what drives you to put 30 percent of your paycheck in your savings account. It’s what makes you buy a round of drinks for your buddies. And since money touches every decision you make, your Money Personality frames your perspective on life.
And some examples of how your Money Personality impact the lens with which you see life are: Spenders tend to be gift givers. Savers find the best deal. Risk Takers “go for it”. Security Seekers need a plan. Flyers don’t let money hinder their decisions.
3. Your Money Opposite.
“Help! I married my money opposite.” As we travel and speak around the country, this is a source of pain and panic for many couples. We have found that 75% of all couples marry their opposite Money Personality!
No surprise that 70% of all divorces cite money as the reason for their split. But being married to your money opposite does not have to ruin your relationship. So on one side are Saver and Security Seekers. On the other side, there are Spenders, Risk Takers and Flyers. Do you have what we call an “Opposite Dynamic”? If so, your differences will start to have a reason behind them.
We can’t wait to hear from you! What is your spouse’s Money Personality? What is yours? Find out by taking our free Money Personality Assessment and let us know about you and your spouses Money Differences.
Make It Happen!
Scott and Bethany Palmer